3 Reasons Your Post- Friend Zone Relationship is also Doomed

Congratulations.  You listened to Speakerbox Seattle Podcast Season 3, Episode 5 “No Sex Zone” and were equipped with ALL of the tools you needed to successfully navigate yo’ ass up out the friend zone.  What Frank and I failed to mention is that the other side of the game may not be the relationship utopia you had in mind.  But why Smurf?

The friend zone-er still isn’t that into you.

You employed all the tactics: aloofness, brand new confident swag, and the manipulative tactics of a seasoned pimp.  What possibly could go wrong?  Well, let’s be real… if you had to do ALL of that to bag your prize, chances are this person (a) still isn’t that into you and is merely settling, or (b) has become interested in a misrepresentation of you.  Basically, you’re their knock-off Stefan Urkel.  If either scenario doesn’t crush your frail, frail ego… then great!  Have fun living fully immersed in your delusions.  Just know that Frank and I are deeply disappointed in you.

You probably (definitely) have issues.

The fact remains, if you’re a friend zone-ee there is most likely a confidence issue at play.  If confidence wasn’t as issue, you would’ve shot your shot and/or you wouldn’t have settled for being relegated to the friend zone.  Because languishing in the friend zone is a choice my, errrrr… friend.

What I would suggest is that before pursuing any relationship of any kind, is that you do a little work on yourself.  Self-reflection is a beautiful thing that everyone should incorporate from time-to-time. 

They probably (definitely) have Issues.

Here is the fundamental problem when attempting to advise people on pursuing a friend zone-er.  How do you tell someone that the person they have pined over for goodness knows how long, probably isn’t shit?  Some may say this is a pretty bold assumption, but I am willing to bet a fistful of Tubmans that I’m right.

Truth is… the person that put you in the friend zone knows EXACTLY WHAT THEY’RE DOING.  Think about that.  You’re presumably miserable (or else you wouldn’t be reading this) and they’re perfectly OK with that.  I’m not saying that they need to get with you.  I’m saying that they need to either get with the program (not likely) or cut you off.

But they won’t, because friend zone-ers are terrible, selfish, secretly insecure mofos who enjoy collecting admirers for their weird chamber of lost hopes and dreams.  Do I sound bitter?  I’m not bitter… Anywho, I wouldn’t advise anyone to hustle for a relationship with a person who blatantly doesn’t care about their feelings.  It’s bad business.

So why did we go through all the trouble of giving you the awesome guide to conquering the friend zone if it simply won’t work out?  Well, we here at Speakerbox Seattle believe in free will AND there is the statistically insignificant chance that the relationship that blossoms from the mutilated remnants of the friend zone may actually work.  So feel free to hang your hat on that.